The Lethal Relationship Indicator

--Any person who hits his or her partner is capable of killing--plain and simple.   Especially a person who is legally required to carry a badge and a gun, IE: police or military.

--Choking can be lethal.  Hidden injuries that can cause death from choking may not show up for several days.

--Does s/he abuse animals and family pets?  Any person who can harm an animal will harm people. Is s/he extremely rough with household pets? 

--While not all people who drink or use drugs are violent...people who are violent AND use drugs and/or alcohol can be lethal. 

More indicators: 

Be advised--the presence of the indicators below may mean your abuser is planning to kill you. Do not ever say, "It cannot happen to me." Or, "It's not so bad". Too many women, like you, risk their lives when they stay, especially if the abuser is in law enforcement.

Violence is not gender specific.  It happens just as frequently, sometimes more frequently, in same sex relationships but it is not talked about as much. 

You can become a victim of homicide in a domestic violence incident! This means you must take immediate action to protect yourself!

You must carefully develop a good safety plan.  This includes becoming the best actor you can.  You have to know what to do in order to safely leave the relationship when your instincts tell you something is very, very wrong.  Trust your feelings.

Some abusers are more likely to kill because they feel they know exactly how to get away with harming you. When you read the checklist below, consider these factors.

• The greater the number of indicators, the greater the risk.

• The greater the intensity of each item, the greater the likelihood of a life threatening attack.

• Past acts of violence are not accurate as predictor of what the abuser will do the next time.

• He has probably warned you enough times to "watch it, or else". And you know better than anyone what the "or else" means. 

Lethal Indicators for Abusers

1. He has threatened to kill himself, you, the children, or your relatives.  This is considered to be an extremely dangerous situation.
2. He has ever said something to you in the order of, "you die before we divorce," or "You are mine and I will not let anyone else have you".
3. He has cleaned his weapon in your presence and then pointed it at you.  And then said, "Ah, it is not loaded".
4. There have been frequent physical assaults against you. Especially when he has returned home from work?  Maybe he is just drunk or angry. Maybe not, but you know when something is wrong.
5. There has been frequent and/or severe sexual abuse. It may be rape in your situation.  He makes up, and tells you he is sorry.  But in reality, this has now become "the norm" in your relationship.
6. The abuser has seriously injured you. He is banking on the fact that you will not contact a superior or other help.  Maybe he feels he has you right where he wants you, good and scared, in fear for your very life, or the life of your kids.
7. He takes you hostage. WARNING!  This is an extremely dangerous situation; there is a great chance of homicide.
8. He makes threats against the children.
9. He has a history of violence with ex-wives, girlfriends, or others.
10. He uses drugs or abuses alcohol.   You have ever found him extremely intoxicated.
11. He is severely depressed or has acute depression with seeing little hope.
12. You have separated from your abuser.  He tells you he cannot envision life without you. Or the separation causes him great despair or rage.
13. He makes suicidal threats, attempts, or plans.
14. He has acted out part of the homicide or suicide fantasy.  He may be totally invested in killing as a viable solution to his problems.
15. He idolizes you.  He depends heavily upon you to organize and keep his life together. He has no friends but you.
16. He has access to you. If he knows where he can find you then he can kill you
17. If you have made prior calls to his unit or department supervisor, you have probably angered him.  The more calls you make the greater the risk. This includes the calls you should have made but did not for fear of being killed or hurt further.
18. He does not care if he gets arrested, not scared of going to jail, or not care if he loses his job.
19. He has an explosive temper and is violent inside the home.  He isolates you each time there is an explosive episode between the two of you.
20. Obsessive about appearances to those outside the home or relationship.